Well, shut my cow-mouth

April 2, 2008

The angel that sits on one shoulder is anemic on the best of days, but I do find myself this close to giving in to the siren call of what may well be a truly terrible comic. I mean, after seeing such deathless prose as “So shut your cow-mouth or I’ll remove your face by hand before I stop your whore’s heart,” I feel the same sense of giddy possibility that I generally associate with a cable broadcast of the musical version of Lost Horizon or Can’t Stop the Music. I mean, if Dr. Doom can talk like that, what kind of Mamet-esque horrors can I expect from the Skrulls? The mind boggles.

Putting aside gender issues (if that’s possible), “You’re a fat piece of furniture I may need for trade!” is nonsensical by just about any standard. Does Dr. Doom haunt online auction web sites that favor the barter system? Is Latveria’s unit of currency the Stickley sofa or Eames chair? I always thought Dr. Doom was given to bombast, not gibberish. (It is Dr. Doom in that sequence, right? It’s not a malfunctioning robot or a teen Skrull, pretending to be a grown-up Earth despot because his friends dared him to?)

I really, really shouldn’t, because every penny I purposely spend on a comic I fully expect to be awful is a penny that I can’t spend on one that I expect to be good. (And plenty of those turn out to be awful anyways.) But I just have to know. Does the dialogue get worse than the samples I’ve already seen? Is that even possible?